Today (April 12) I turn 47 years old. It amazes me that I’ve been around that long. I feel like I’ve barely begun. As always, it’s an opportunity to reflect on what I’ve achieved, what I’ve learnt, and where do I want to be in five or ten years from now.
Through this photo book, I am sharing 47 tips on happiness, health, relationships and productivity – all of which can enhance life. The photos used in the book are from my personal collection. You can download the book by clicking on the book cover, or from this link. If you find this useful, please share with others too. I will consider that your birthday gift to me.
In the 1970s, Diana Nyad set long-distance swim records that are still unbroken. Thirty years later, at 60, she attempted her longest swim yet, from Cuba to Florida. She talks about how to prepare mentally to achieve an extreme dream, and asks: What will YOU do with your wild, precious life? Extremely inspiring!
A new day in Africa! (Sunrise at Hoedspruit, December 2011)
Most of the research suggests that majority of the people do not stick to their resolutions beyond a couple of weeks or months, if at all. And most of the goals established before the New Year end up way short of achievement. Having spent almost 30 years doing resolutions (a few times every year) and working with thousands of salespeople and managers who established annual goals, here’s what I think causes any New Year resolution to fail:
Too casual. Some people come up with resolutions for the sake of resolutions, without giving serious consideration to what they really want.
Not committed enough. Any resolution without total commitment is as good as a dream.
Not specific enough. ‘I’ll lose weight’, ‘I’ll save money’, ‘I’ll travel’ are all examples of non-specific resolutions.
No deadlines. Open-ended resolutions like ‘I’ll quit smoking’ are like any other promise without a time frame that we can easily postpone.
No planning. A resolution without a plan is like a destination without a road map – without knowing how to get there.
No follow-up. Milestones and checkpoints are critical in any journey. Resolutions that are not reviewed periodically often come to haunt us at the end of the year.
No action. You know where you want to go, and how to get there, but you can’t there unless you start moving. Lack of action, laziness, and procrastination are often signs of lack of commitment.
If your resolutions haven’t worked well for you in the past, it’s likely because of one of the above reasons. This year, come up with fewer resolutions but make sure they are very specific, backed up with a full plan of action and have your total commitment. Then take the necessary action with perseverance, and review results often. In short, you need to know what you really want, by when and how… then act now!
I was fortunate to experience the African safari for a few days recently. Besides seeing the ‘big five’ and other wild animals up close, it was also a chance to see nature in its purest form. One of the bonuses was listening to the rangers sharing their knowledge about the animals and experiences in the wild. One of the most amazing narratives that I heard was about the birth of a baby giraffe. I didn’t quite believe it so I checked out the facts online before posting this. Here’s the story…
The bay giraffe falls into this world from eight feet above the ground. The mother giraffe lowers her neck and smooches the baby. Within minutes the baby starts to struggle to get up on its feet. It falls down a few times, but doesn’t give up until it is firmly on its feet, and then it starts walking around. Very often, if the baby doesn’t start struggling to get up, or if the baby gives up after falling down and lies still, the mother would kick it with her long leg that would send the baby flying up in the air and tumbling down on the ground. As the baby lies curled up, the mother kicks the baby again. And this goes on until the baby, still trembling and tired, learns to stand on its feet. Mama giraffe is delighted to see the baby on its feet and walking!
Why does the mother giraffe do that? Because the lions, leopards and hyenas love giraffe meat. And unless the bay giraffe quickly learns to stand and run with the pack, it will have no chance of survival. Most of us though are not quite as lucky as the baby giraffes. When we fail, when we are down, we often stay there. Nobody kicks us out of our comfort zone, to remind us to get back on our feet, to survive and succeed. It’s also an important lesson for the parents.
“I struggled just getting the ball up to the rim level. I couldn’t do it at first.” (Kareem Abdul Jabbar – basketball champion)
“What could be worse than getting to the end of your life and realizing you hadn’t lived it.” (Edward Albee – 3 Pulitzer Prizes for Drama)
“If you don’t fall down, you are not trying hard enough.” (Tenley Albright – Olympic Gold Medal Figure Skater and Surgeon)
“I believe that each of us comes from the Creator trailing wisps of glory.” (Maya Angelou – Poet and Historian)
“I knew that if I failed I wouldn’t regret that, but I knew the one thing I would regret is not trying.” (Jeff Bezos – Founder of Amazon.com)
“I do not know the word ‘quit’. Either I never did, or I have abolished it.” (Susan Butcher – Champion dog-sled racer)
“There is no such thing as an average human being. If you have a normal brain, you are superior.” (Benjamin Carson – Pediatric Neurosurgeon)
“I have always felt that I did well as a student because I lacked confidence.” (Denton Cooley – pioneer of heart transplants)
“The Godfather was a very under-appreciated movie when we were making it. I almost got fired.” (Francis Ford Coppola – filmmaker, producer and screenwriter)
“My parents telling me to stop doing it is probably what caused the company to be created.” (Michael Dell – Founder of Dell)
Many frequent travelers learn a few ‘tricks of the trade’ and develop certain attitudes that help them deal with the stress of traveling and keep sane. I believe some of these provide useful lessons for life:
Travel light. It’s perhaps the most important advice on traveling. Packing a smaller bag requires planning, discipline and focus on the essentials. It saves time at check-in counters. It’s easier to unpack. Less clutter means better focus, and fewer chances of leaving something behind. You can also move on at short notice. Doesn’t that apply to life too? Whether it’s your desk/desktop, wallet/purse/bag, wardrobe or the house… fewer things mean less clutter, less time wasted on finding stuff, less energy on the maintenance. The same applies to having thousands of ‘friends’ on Facebook, receiving tons of junk mail, maintaining dozens of credit cards… the list goes on. Less is more; lighter the better; quality over quantity.
Be prepared for surprises. You learn during traveling that everything is not in your control, and things don’t always go as planned. Flights can be delayed or cancelled; your special meal onboard is often mixed up; bags don’t always make the connection; hotels can be over-booked; Internet doesn’t always work… And it’s not because the world is conspiring against you and everyone is out to get you. You can accept these situations with calm or fight and argue and get upset. I often remind upset fellow passengers: There are usually three reasons for a flight to be delayed: there’s something wrong with the plane, or the pilot, or the weather. And I am glad they have found out while we are still on the ground. The same applies to life. Despite great intentions and excellent planning, things do go wrong. And we have to learn to distinguish between situations (that can’t be changed) and problems (that can be solved). Unfortunately, so many people waste so much of their time and energy fighting with situations.
Just finished reading another wonderful book by Paulo Coelho: The Way of the Bow. It’s a short and simple story that covers many of the values which inspire our daily work: innovation, flexibility, adapting to changes, enthusiasm, team work etc. Here are some inspiring pieces from the chapter on ‘Allies’…
“The best allies are those who do not think like everyone else. When you seek companions, trust your intuition and pay no attention to what anyone else may say. People always judge others by taking as a model their own limitations, and other people’s opinions are often full of prejudice.”
“Join with those who experiment, take risks, fall, get hurt and then take more risks. Stay away from those who affirm truths, who criticize those who do not think like them.”
“Join with those who are flexible as the wood of your bow. They are people who do not hesitate to change direction when they encounter some insuperable barrier. They have the qualities of water: flowing around rocks, adapting to the course of the river…”
“Join with those who sing, tell stories, take pleasure in life, and have joy in their eyes, because joy is contagious and can prevent others from becoming paralyzed by depression, loneliness and difficulties. Join with those who do their work with enthusiasm.”
An excerpt from Call Me by My True Names by the modern Buddhist poet, Thich Nhat Hanh:
They don’t publish the good news.
The good news is published by us.
We have a special edition every moment, and we need you to read it.
The good news is that you are alive, and the linden tree is still there, standing firm in the harsh Winter.
The good news is that you have wonderful eyes to touch the blue sky.
The good news is that your child is there before you, and your arms are available: hugging is possible.
They only print what is wrong.
Look at each of our special editions.
We always offer the things that are not wrong.
We want you to benefit from them and help protect them.
The dandelion is there by the sidewalk, smiling its wondrous smile, singing the song of eternity.
Listen! You have ears that can hear it. Bow your head. Listen to it.
Leave behind the world of sorrow and preoccupation and get free.
The latest good news is that you can do it.
[Photo by yours truly. Do you have any good news to share?]
“When you are interested, you do what’s convenient. When you are committed, you do whatever it takes.”
This post is inspired by someone I met today in Colombo. When he decided to move back to Sri Lanka from the Middle East 15 years ago, his wife wasn’t too happy with the decision. She loved Dubai too much. This man promised his wife that he’ll bring her to Dubai for at least ten days every year. And he hasn’t missed a year since. He told me it was difficult at times to take the ten days off because of work pressure, or other priorities, ‘but a promise is a promise’.
How often do we sabotage our relationships, health, productivity, talent, dreams… by not fulfilling the commitments that we make to ourselves or others. Whether big or small, every broken promise adds up to create an unhappy situation. Some of the most commonly broken promises I can think of:
To our loved ones: I’ll call you back in a minute. I’ll do it during the weekend. I’ll be there for the… (birthday party or the game or the parent-teacher meeting). We’ll take a vacation this year.
To our kids: We’ll read it tonight. Yes, I’ll help with your math. I’ll fix it tomorrow. We’ll go there during the weekend.
At work: I am working on it. I’ll email you today. I’ll clean up my desk. I’ll call you back. I’ll learn the new… (skill, system, program, equipment) soon.
To ourselves: I’ll start exercising. I’ll read that book. I’ll eat healthy. I’m off desserts. I quit coffee. I’ll wake up earlier. I’ll clean up. I’ll volunteer. I’ll start saving.
And I am as guilty as anybody else. Let’s promise to keep our promises. And commit to fulfill our commitments.
“If there’s no difference between your tomorrow and today, you are as good as dead.” (Imam Ali AS)
“Be the change you want to see in the world.” (Mahatma Gandhi)
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” (Reinhold Niebuhr)
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” (Maria Robinson)
“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
“Growth mean change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.”
“When you are finished changing, you are finished.” (Benjamin Franklin)
“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and the willingness to change. At such a moment, there’s no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready.” (Paolo Coelho)
“Life is too short to try and change others.” (yours truly)
[Photo of Danxia Peaks in ShaoGuan, China - taken yesterday]
I turned 46 this month. And this birthday, I asked myself a few questions:
If I could start over, what would I do differently?
What would I not change at all?
What have I learnt?
What do I want to be five years from now, and ten, twenty…?
And I share some of the answers to #1, hoping that the exercise would inspire you as much:
I would sleep less, and read more.
I would eat less, and work out more.
I would complain less, and compliment more.
I would spend fewer weekends at work, and more at home.
I would spend more time alone with the one I love.
I would read more with my kids when they were young.
I would talk/listen to my parents more often.
I would watch less TV and fewer movies.
I would spend less on things, and more on experiences.
I would save more for travel; I would see more of this world.
I would start a foundation to educate the poor, or support such foundations.
I would write a diary of things I learnt.
I would learn languages, cooking, playing a flute, rock climbing…
I would stay in touch with more friends and more family members.
I would plan less, act more.
I would worry less, breathe more, pray more.
I realized that while I can’t go back in time, I can still make many of these changes today. I can’t change the past but I can change my today, and tomorrow. I have started on the list, and it feels great!
What would you like to do differently with your life?
[Photo of the Hunchbacks taken yesterday during the stage 4 of MacLehose Trail in Hong Kong]
How different would our days (and therefore life) be if we noticed, acknowledged, enjoyed and were grateful for even half the things we take for granted every day? Would we be happier, more cheerful and have more enthusiasm? Would we complain less? You bet.
Right now, I am grateful for the long battery life on my mac, the comfortable sofa, the cushion on my lap absorbing the heat from the notebook, the lamp, the cool breeze from the window, the family sleeping quietly, the calm of the morning (4 AM), WordPress, Facebook, people who ask me when they don’t see a new post on my blog… a fridge full of stuff, mostly healthy!
Please share through comments (here or on my Facebook page) what else we usually take for granted, every day. Thanks for reading and sharing.
[Self photography during a beautiful drive in Surabaya yesterday, feeling the rain and breeze]
[Repost from April 2009] This poem continues to be one of the most inspiring pieces for over ten years. It’s been published in many forms. Here’s part of it:
I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning…to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth… and now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own; the cars….the house…the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.
Richard Stengel writes in Mandela’s Way, the biography of Nelson Mandela:
“Some call it a blind spot, other naivete, but Mandela sees almost everyone as virtuous until proven otherwise. He starts with an assumption that you are dealing with him in good faith. He believes that, just as pretending to be brave can lead to acts of real bravery, seeing the good in other people improves the chances that they will reveal their better selves.”
My humble additions:
People are mostly good, honest and helpful – regardless of their origin, religion or race.
There’s some good and bad in every person, place and situation. We can choose to focus on the good or the bad.
Someone in my family died a couple of days ago. A wonderful and kind woman who had been fighting a disease for a long time. And there are two other people, very close to me, who are struggling for life – a two and a half year old and a 60 year old.
We have no control over when and how we will die. But we can choose how we live – with gratefulness, happiness, peace, contentment, love, laughter, fulfillment, forgiveness, action… or with complaints, anger, worries, greed, hate, jealousy, procrastination…
“Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrow.” (Pope Paul)
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” (Mahatma Gandhi)
“As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death.” (George Bernard Shaw)
“As a well spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death.” (Leonardo Da Vinci)
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” (Mark Twain)
“Death is not the greatest of loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” (Norman Cousins)
“Have courage to live. Anyone can die.” (Robert Cody)
“A man who dares to waste one hour of life has not discovered the value of life.” (Charles Darwin)
“A man whose today is the same as yesterday is as good as dead.” (Imam Ali)
I just finished reading this wonderful book by Leo Babauta. It’s an important reminder of the importance of focus in this age of distraction, and how to achieve it. The book is available for free and is ‘un-copyrighted’ by the author so you can share it with as many people as you want. Just click on the image to download the PDF version.
It’s an essential guide for everyone who needs to focus, and covers lots of useful stuff like:
Here’s a collection of links to some of the most popular posts on my blog during the last 12 months. I hope you find them useful and consider sharing with friends. These may have some ideas for your New Year Resolutions too:
