We just celebrated our 24th marriage anniversary and it’s been over 25 years since we started seeing each other. We consider ourselves very fortunate to enjoy a great relationship and still be in love. Considering that we are so different from each other in so many ways and that we rarely agree on anything, we often wonder what has kept us so happy together. It’s a few things.
We realize and accept the fact that everyone is different; everyone has his or her strengths and weaknesses. We don’t try to change the other. We choose to focus on the strengths and accept the weaknesses – unless one needs help and encouragement in overcoming a certain weakness. We have come to understand that being in love is not enough for a happy marriage. Happy partners choose to be happy, and they do certain things in a certain way. We have been following a certain unwritten code of conduct about how we treat each other and how we deal with our differences.
Communication is the key. Like in any other relationship, good communication is the key to a happy marriage. You don’t need a degree in communications; it’s mostly common sense. It’s Ok to argue, but you must follow certain rules. Few tips to enhance communication with your partner:
Be honest.- Talk to each other often.
- Listen when the other is talking.
- Express any concerns quickly.
- Compliment often; criticize rarely.
- Never criticize in public.
- Never yell at each other.
- Never bring up mistakes of the past.
- Never use the word ‘always’ and ‘never’ in arguments.
- Don’t go to bed with an unsettled argument.
- Say ‘I love you’ often… and mean it.
- Be quick to say ‘I am sorry’.
- Forgive and forget quickly.
- Never keep secrets from each other.
- Keep the in-laws out of your marriage.
What happened to the romance? Remember the first time you started seeing each other? You used to dress up, make-up, put on your best self, hold hands, and do things to please your partner. Why does it have to be any different after few years? Keeping the romance alive is an essential part of being happy with your partner. Some tips for the un-romantics:
Hold hands.- Hug and kiss every day – few times a day, actually.
- Give flowers or gifts or love-you cards without any occasion.
- Remember birthdays and anniversaries. Plan surprises.
- Share whatever chores you can – cooking, dishes, laundry, bills.
- Go on dates.
- Watch romantic movies together.
- Walk on the beach when it’s a full moon.
- Watch sunrise or sunset together.
- Learn what turns your partner on or off.
- Don’t make a chore out of sex. Experiment; be creative.
- Make his or her favorite breakfast.
- Dress up, or make-up, just for him or her.
- SMS your love when you are away.
- Don’t compare and praise other men or women.
Small things make the big difference. Many of them have been covered in the above lists. Here are some more:
Talk about your dreams, goals and ambitions.- Give foot massages and back rubs when your partner is tired.
- Call during the day.
- Switch off your iPhone or Blackberry while on a date together.
- Do it his or her way, once in a while.
- Beware of bad breath and body odor.
- Respond quickly to your partner’s requests.
- Pray for each other daily… from the heart.
- Don’t start sharing your problems as soon as your partner shows up after work
- Keep his or her photo in your wallet, or as the wallpaper of your phone.
- Go for walks together.
- Accept their ‘annoying’ habits. Do not nag
- Don’t offer an advice unless asked for.
- Cuddle.
- Be prepared to sacrifice your interests and preferences for the sake of your partner.
Very importantly, we must learn to be happy as individuals before we can be happy together. Please tell us which ones are your favorite, and share your own tips too.
[Written with help from Salma]
Mush Panjwani 
This is a very helpful and an interesting article salma n mush bhai..GREAT JOB!!Dealing with your partner’s weaknesses and strengths can be complicated at times but i think there should be a mutual understanding between the two about when and where whose’ advice is needed..another important thing is dealing your partner’s mood swings:when to cheer him/her up or when to leave him/her alone for some time,as everyone needs to have their space sometimes..its only sometimes that i cannot get my partner out of his depressions with all my efforts and even if i can it would not last long..i would like to read some articles on that mush bhai..thanx
LikeLike
Agreed with Mush’s recommendation. I gave you that book back in 1999, its still useful…
LikeLike
Hi Mush,
Congratulations on your anniversary! Wish you more happy years together! 🙂
Your article is fantastic! You should send this to every male in this world, especially the egoistic ones! Laughs!
Just want to say, perhaps you could add “Compromise” to the list. It is important to “give and take” in a relationship to maintain harmony. 🙂
Well, thank you for the great article and take care!
Best Regards,
Nur Aini Bandi
LikeLike
Well, its wonderful. Not because there is something new here, but because its coming from someone we know so closely. Thanks Mush, there are lessons to be learnt because you have sucessfully followed all this with obvious great results. My favorite are … Hugs and kisses everyday. Get Foot Massages and back rub when I am tired. Are you sure you settle all dispute before you hit the bed ?? I thought many disputes are settled in bed. That could be my contribution to these points. Overall great reading.
LikeLike
This is a Wow! Wow! Wow! Mush,
know that you are not alone. You now have your much loved to share it with.
My best wishes to you and Congratulations , as you gain entry into the better half of your lives, With your life’s BETTER HALVES.
Wish you a Happy Married Life.
With lots of Love,
Andy Ang
LikeLike
happy wedding anniversary mush!!!what a great article to share. this really shows how much marriage means to you.well ,to me marriage is the greatest commitment in life .this article would be a great guidance for me and kumar.stay loving and may god bless with more great loving years together.
LikeLike
You guys are and have been doing good together always mashallah… it is only by the grace of God that one finds someone who one can share one’s true self with.
A lucky few find it and the rest try and work towards it. I am one of those who found it 😉 well actually the second time around but I love it and all my best to those who are trying and who like you share their experiences with others!
It’s never too late!
Love comes knocking when least invited 😉
LikeLike
A very happy anniversary to you and salma… may you celebrate another 25 very happily! ameen
LikeLike
This is simply amazing khalu!congratulations!!!!!wish u both a veryyy happy wedding anniversary…..i hope all ur dreams and wishes come true!it was a wonderful article to share with…..god bless both of u!salma khala muaaaahhhh and love u…….take care!
LikeLike
Thanks for the nice comments and wishes. We are touched!
@Sadaf Abulhassan: good point about giving your partner space. Get a copy of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ for more tips on dealing with your partner’s mood swings. Otherwise, I’ll talk to Abul 🙂
@Aini: totally agree with your point about give and take. It’s not just men who need the tips. It takes two to fight and two to be a happy couple.
@Kazim: great tip about settling everything ‘in’ bed 🙂 Remember, it’s not just ‘getting’ the foot massages and back rubs.
@Sajinee: best wishes to you and Kumar.
@Sadaf Shah: so happy for you!
Thanks to Andy and Fizza too.
LikeLike
My best wishes to you and Congratulations on your 24th marriage anniversary.
Great article with wonderful tips for a successful married life. May Allah bless you with more great loving years together.
LikeLike
congrats Salma and Mush. You have always been my ideal couple and now I know why. God bless and wishing you many many wonderful years together.
LikeLike
very nicee
LikeLike
Happy anniversary and congratulations to both of you, for successfully being together for almost half of your lives. May you spend the rest with the same ease and spirit.
LikeLike
congratulations Mushtaq Bhai n Salma Bhabhi on ur 24th wedding anniversary… great article frm u Mushtaq bhai… wid many lessons to learn for beginners like me n Abbas 🙂 we celebrated our 2nd anniversary last month n wish to celebrate lots n lots more 2gether… 4ever….
Wish u a happily married life …. !!!
LikeLike
[…] on how to have a Happy Marriage. The first is 10 Tips for a happy marriage, and the second is 45 Tips. Learn them, love them, marriage is the most important relationship we should […]
LikeLike
Hi Mushtaq ..
This article surely helps .. my husband n me are very busy wid our work at the moment and i really feel it was the right time for me to have read this .. thx a ton !
LikeLike
Congratulations to both of you! Wow ! 25 yrs..I’m praying that our marriage will reach that long or more than that..I am happy to read your blog because It is so fitting to read this since my husband and me celebrated our 8th year of blissful marriage…I agree, and learned a lot with all that you’ve listed down especially the open communication..My hubby and me grown each other so close by our constant communication…Something is missing on our day if we can’t talk or see each other….We are not perfect, but we have also our differences…but we work it out by compromising…I think the bottomline of every relationships aside from love is giving, sharing, understanding and patience or tolerance and both of you are God-fearing too..
LikeLike
Thanks and best wishes to you, Sahlee!
LikeLike
My favorite one and the one you list first is being honest. This is really important for any marriage.
LikeLike
I will have to say from personal experience that, #4 Switch off your iPhone or Blackberry while on a date together, is a must! We now have an understanding that only 1 phone comes with us and it stays in my wife’s purse in case the babysitter needs to get in touch with us.
Fantastic list!
LikeLike
Hi Tony, thanks for your comments. Great idea, taking just one of the phones!
LikeLike