Relationships

What Do You Expect?

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When the pilot announced, “…and the ground temperature is 38 degrees centigrade”, I was excited. Because I was expecting 40-45 degrees. After all, it was Delhi and the month was June. During the next 24 hours, I heard many people complaining of the heat – taxi drivers, colleagues, friends etc. And I asked everyone the same questions: What do you expect? And I realized the power of these four magic words like never before. They seemed to diffuse the anger, put things in perspective, and even reduce the temperature a little bit!

The next time traffic bothers you, ask yourself these four magic words. What do you expect? Did you expect everyone else to stay at home today? Or did you expect everyone else to walk to work today? Or did you expect new roads and flyovers to come up during the night? Or did you expect everyone to move to the side and let your car or bus pass?

Have you noticed how parents expect their kids to behave like mature grown-ups – tidy room, homework on time, healthy eating habits and all. Teachers expect all students to be intelligent and interested in the subject. Salespeople expect an order on every presentation. Managers expect everyone to be competent and committed all the time. And the result is… anger, frustration, disappointment.

I know this seems to go against the philosophy of ‘expect the best’, ‘you get what you think of’ and ‘the secret: our thoughts become things’. But not really. Positive thinking is not about unrealistic expectations. I expect most people to be nice, but not all. I expect myself to be healthy, active and energetic most of the time – so it’s not hard for me to accept illness when it comes once in a while.

So, what do you expect? And do you always get what you expect?

Make Your Day!

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One of the easiest ways to make your day is to make someone else’s day. It’s not possible to make someone else happy and not feel great about it yourself. And it doesn’t take much to make someone happy, especially strangers. Try a genuine compliment or a thank-you e.g.

  • Wow, very clean taxi!
  • You guys are really good; the queue is moving so fast! (Check-in counters at the airport)
  • Good job. Thank you! (Try that with a toilet cleaning staff and see what happens)
  • The food was nice, service was great and prices were OK too! (Ever asked to see the manager at the end of a great dining experience?)
  • Thank you so much; I really appreciate that!

Most people haven’t been complimented (or even talked to by a customer) in a long time, so it would mean the world to them. And how would you feel seeing that you have had such a positive impact on someone’s day/life? Of course, there will be some people with such low self-image that they won’t believe you or think you are being funny.

If you are fortunate enough to be in love with someone, remember the power of the three magic words. I love you! can help switch negative emotions to positive ones in a heartbeat.

Try it today. And tell us about your experience with compliments – both giving and receiving.

Who/What Do You Blame?

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Ever noticed how so many people blame somebody or something for the problems in their lives? I think most commonly blamed parties are:

  1. Upbringing – parents, teachers, school, college, university…
  2. Country – lack of opportunities, education, wealth…
  3. Circumstances – not luck, no money, no resources, no connections…
  4. Age – too young, too old…
  5. At work – industry, company, products, boss, colleagues…

If you are using one of these as excuses for not living your best life, think again! If you often find yourself saying: ‘I am late because of traffic’ or ‘I am overweight because of my genes’ or ‘I don’t have the time for _ because of _’ then you are the type who likes to fix the blame or give excuses instead of accepting responsibility.

“Be the change you want to see!” (Mahatma Gandhi)

Relationships Make Us Happy!

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Our poll on What Makes You Happy? has got over 200 votes so far. And ‘relationships’ has continued to be the winner, followed by health and career. Interesting, isn’t it? Question is, why most of us don’t spend most of our time, energy and money trying to enhance our relationships?

happiness-results

The Power of a Dream – true story of faith and courage!

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I received this essay through a friend of this family:

On 21st January, 1991, my parents were overjoyed on the arrival of their first baby, my elder brother. But the happiness was short-lived as within a few hours of delivery my mother noticed that his eyes were prominently protruding and were dull grey in colour. The doctor gave the terrible news that my brother was suffering from Congenital Glaucoma. This disease is incurable and with each passing day he would lose his sight if the eye pressure was not under control. My mother was totally shattered but she had to accept Naqi’s problem as a challenge. My mother had a dream that Naqi should go to normal school and never pity himself nor be pitied by others. So from that day she took up this challenge to accomplish her dream.

In Pakistan there were very few facilities for visually impaired children and I saw mother struggle since the beginning even though in the early years I was too young to understand the circumstances. My mother’s family is in India which meant that she had no support and it seemed to be very difficult to cope with Naqi’s problem. My mother went to all good schools but they refused to admit Naqi as he had a great difficulty in facing light or recognizing colors. She was determined and fortunately went to one of the best schools in Pakistan, Springfield where they offered her a job plus admitted Naqi on a trial basis. Continue reading →

What makes you happy? Preliminary results!

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Here’s what it looks like, so far:

poll-resultsBut that’s just based on 81 votes! Do you think the results would change much if we had 800 votes instead? Please help get some more votes, and let’s find out.

A respected friend of mine asked me the purpose of this survey, and whether I guarantee confidentiality. Yes, absolutely. I can only see this chart – no names or anything else. And the purposes of the survey are a) personal curiosity and b) obtain interesting statistics to share with my readers. Fair enough?

Six things for happiness!

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What do you think really makes people happy? I have wondered this question for years. Is it money that allows you to buy the things and do the things that you like? Or is it strong relationships – people you love, and people who love you? Or is it success in your chosen career and the recognition that comes with it? Or optimum health, fitness and energy to enjoy life to the fullest? Or a religion that connects you to a higher being and guides you to do right? Or does it come from contribution to community or society or mankind or other life or our planet earth?

What makes you happy? Please take this poll and tell us. Please limit to three of the six choices. Get your friends to take this poll too. The more participants, the clearer the answer.

Leo Buscaglia’s quotes

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Early in my sales career, I had watched an inspiring video by Leo Buscaglia called The Politics of Love. His powerful presentation had a lasting impression on my heart and mind. Later, I read one of his books – Living, Learning and Loving – which was also one of the best books I’ve ever read. Today, I was searching for more of Leo’s work on the Internet and found lots of really inspiring stuff – books, quotes, audios, videos, sites! Some quotes:

  • Don’t hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.
  • Don’t spend your precious time asking “Why isn’t the world a better place?” It will only be time wasted. The question to ask is “How can I make it better?” To that there is an answer.
  • Our talents are the gift that God gives to us… What we make of our talents is our gift back to God.
  • Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Watch one of his popular Born for Love lectures here.

Make Today Count by John Maxwell

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maketodaycountI was just looking; I wasn’t going to buy anything. Until I saw this little book with a bold red and white cover and an interesting title. In fact, I liked the subtitle even better. I read it on the flight back from Singapore last month, and started re-reading it this week. Here’s a piece from the Introduction:

You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. You see, success doesn’t just suddenly occur one day in someone’s life. For that matter, neither does failure. Each is a process. Every day of your life is merely a preparation for the next. What you become is the result of what you do today. In other words… you are preparing for something. The way you live your life today is preparing you for tomorrow. The questions is, What are you preparing for? As my father used to tell me when I was growing up, “You can pay now and play later, or you can play now and pay later. But either way, you are going to pay.”

The book has twelve chapters – a dozen to focus on daily: Attitude, Priorities, Health, Family, Thinking, Commitment, Finances, Faith, Relationships, Generosity, Values and Growth. I’ll be happy to give my copy to the first person who asks.

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

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tuesdaysA true story of a dying professor who shares his wisdom with the author. Very inspiring and thought-provoking stuff on life, death, family, money, emotions, love and more. Here’s an excerpt from the Tuesday they talk about money:

“We’ve got a form of brainwashing going on in our country. Do you know how they brainwash people? They repeat something over and over. Owning things is good. More money is good. More property is good. More is good. More is good. We repeat it – and have it repeated to us – over and over until nobody bothers to even think otherwise. The average person is so fogged up by all this, he has no perspective on what’s really important anymore.

“Wherever I went in my life, I met people wanting to gobble up something new. Gobble up a new car. Gobble up a new piece of property. Gobble up the latest toy. And they wanted to tell you about it. ‘Guess what I got? Guess what I got?’ These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. But it never works. You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness. I can tell you, as I am sitting here dying, when you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feeling you’re looking for, no matter how much of them you have.”

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

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secret.jpgA great motivational book about the power of our thoughts and how to apply it in our lives. A superb team of authors, teachers and speakers bring you The Secret to health, wealth, relationships and happiness.