You must know someone like him; he was tall and strong and lean
With a body like a greyhound; and a mind so sharp and keen
But his heart, just like laurel; grew twisted around itself
Till almost everything he did; brought pain to someone else
It’s not what you’re born with; it’s what you choose to bear
It’s not how big your share is; it’s how much you can share Continue reading
We just celebrated our 24th marriage anniversary and it’s been over 25 years since we started seeing each other. We consider ourselves very fortunate to enjoy a great relationship and still be in love. Considering that we are so different from each other in so many ways and that we rarely agree on anything, we often wonder what has kept us so happy together. It’s a few things.
We realize and accept the fact that everyone is different; everyone has his or her strengths and weaknesses. We don’t try to change the other. We choose to focus on the strengths and accept the weaknesses – unless one needs help and encouragement in overcoming a certain weakness. We have come to understand that being in love is not enough for a happy marriage. Happy partners choose to be happy, and they do certain things in a certain way. We have been following a certain unwritten code of conduct about how we treat each other and how we deal with our differences.
Communication is the key. Like in any other relationship, good communication is the key to a happy marriage. You don’t need a degree in communications; it’s mostly common sense. It’s Ok to argue, but you must follow certain rules. Few tips to enhance communication with your partner: Continue reading
We all know that waking up early is good for us. We can exercise, study, work… simply have more life! But most people find it difficult to sleep well and wake up early and fresh. I think a lot of people feel crappy in the morning. Here are some tips and tricks I have learned over the years that help me sleep better and wake up fully recharged – most of the time:
When every day seems the same, it is because we have stopped noticing the good things that appear in our lives. (The Alchemist)
It is necessary to run risks, to follow certain paths and to abondon others. No one can make a choice without feeling fear. (Brida)
Profound commitment to a dream does not confine or constrain: it liberates. Even a difficult, winding path can lead to your goal if you follow it to the end. (Maktub)
Man needs to choose, not just accept, his destiny. (The Fifth Mountain)
Someone told me today that she would never go back to a particular city for vacation because last time she went there it brought bad luck on her. She then went on to explain how she had lost a lot of business when she returned from that vacation. And she is a very sensible and successful businesswoman!
I asked her what if it wasn’t the place, but the airline she had used. Or the hotel she had stayed in. Or the month/date of her travel. Or her companion on that trip. What if one or more of these things had brought the bad luck? I also asked her if she has ever lost business without going on a vacation, and what were the causes. She got my point, but she is still never going back to that city! Continue reading
After seeing Dan Ariely’s video on TED, I started reading his blog and found the following post really interesting:
Social scientists used to have a straightforward, if tongue-in-cheek, answer to the question of how to become happy: Surround yourself with people who are uglier, poorer and shorter than you are – and who are unhappily married and have annoying kids. You will compare yourself with these people, and the contrast will cheer you up.
Nicholas Christakis, 47, a physician and sociologist at Harvard University, challenges this idea. Using data from a study that tracked about 5,000 people over 20 years, he suggests that happiness, like the flu, can spread from person to person. When people who are close to us, both in terms of social ties (friends or relatives) and physical proximity, become happier, we do too. Continue reading
Behavioral economist Dan Ariely, the author of Predictably Irrational, uses classic visual illusions and his own counter-intuitive research findings to show how we’re not as rational as we think when we make decisions.
It’s not difficult to rebuild a life. All we need is to be aware that we have the same strength we had before, and to use it in our favor. (The Fifth Mountain)
Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant. (Eleven Minutes)
No one knows what is going to happen in the next few minutes, and yet people still go forward, because they have trust, because they have faith. (Brida)
The secret lies in the present – if you pay attention to the present, you will be able to improve it. And if you improve the present, whatever happens afterwards will eb better too. Each day brings us Eternity. (The Alchemist)
On this lonely weekend (most of my family still not back from Pakistan), as I was reading Paulo Coelho’s blog, I found his post on loneliness that reflected my own thoughts. Here it is:
As Elvis Presley says : “Are you lonesome tonight?” and when you’re alone, what do you really do? How do you deal, how do you cope with yourself? Is it a burden? Or is it for you a way to dive deep into your soul and understand yourself? In my case, it’s both.
Sometimes I feel really alone, and I have no one to talk to. Sometimes there is this moment that I really need to be alone and to understand what’s going on, not in the world, but within myself. So, your thoughts on loneliness, that very very strange feeling that once a day or a week, we do feel.
[Photo taken by me yesterday from home. See the plane that just landed and the cable cars in the background?]
During the last few days, I heard a lot of negative stuff about a variety of things:
It’s strange how some people have a mission in life – to spread gloom and pessimism. And how discussing any of this would help anyone. I wondered if there’s such a things as ‘brain mask’ that can protect you from the affects of negativity – like a face mask that protects you from catching germs. Here’s my strategy to deal with negative people, depending on the person and the situation: Continue reading
Breathe. Breathing can transform your life.
If you feel stressed out and overwhelmed, breathe. It will calm you and release the tensions.
If you are worried about something coming up, or caught up in something that already happened, breathe. It will bring you back to the present.
If you are discouraged and have forgotten your purpose in life, breathe. It will remind you about how precious life is, and that each breath in this life is a gift you need to appreciate. Make the most of this gift.
If you have too many tasks to do, or are scattered during your workday, breathe. It will help bring you into focus, to concentrate on the most important task you need to be focusing on right now. Continue reading
Note from Mush: Hamza continues to read huge amounts of stuff and has been recommending some really useful stuff. The article on sleep is a must-read. Thanks, Hamza!
For the week ending Sunday, 05/07:
Enjoy.
I loved this post on ‘Inventory of Normality’ on Paulo Coelho’s Blog:
I decided to conduct a survey among my friends about what society considers to be normal behavior. What follows is a list I have made of some of the absurd situations we face in day-to-day life, just because society sees them as normal:
1] Anything that makes us forget our true identity and our dreams and makes us only work to produce and reproduce.
2] Making rules for a war (the Geneva Convention).
3] Spending years at university and then not being able to find a job.
4] Working from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon at something that does not give us the least pleasure, so that we can retire after 30 years.
5] Retiring only to discover that we have no more energy to enjoy life, and then dying of boredom after a few years.
6] Using Botox.
7] Trying to be financially successful instead of seeking happiness.
8] Ridiculing those who seek happiness instead of money by calling them “people with no ambition”.
9] Comparing objects like cars, houses and clothes, and defining life according to these comparisons instead of really trying to find out the true reason for being alive.
10] Not talking to strangers. Saying nasty things about our neighbors.
11] Thinking that parents are always right.
12] Getting married, having children and staying together even though the love has gone, claiming that it’s for the sake of the children (who do not seem to be listening to the constant arguments).
12ª] Criticizing everybody who tries to be different.
14] Waking up with a hysterical alarm-clock at the bedside.
15] Believing absolutely everything that is printed.
16] Wearing a piece of colored cloth wrapped around the neck for no apparent reason and known by the pompous name “necktie”.
17] Never asking direct questions, even though the other person understands what you want to know.
18] Keeping a smile on your face when you really want to cry. And feeling sorry for those who show their own feelings.
19] Thinking that art is worth a fortune, or else that it is worth absolutely nothing.
20] Always despising what was easily gained, because the “necessary sacrifice” – and therefore also the required qualities – are missing.
21] Following fashion, even though it all looks ridiculous and uncomfortable. Continue reading
Change is the end result of all true learning.
Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.
It is paradoxical that many educators and parents still differentiate between a time for learning and a time for play without seeing the vital connection between them.
Life lived for tomorrow will always be just a day away from being realized.
The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don’t let them put you in that position.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.
Watch one of his short videos: Only You Can Make the Difference
For the week ending Sunday, 28/06:
Happy reading.
In January 2009, Ray Zahab broke the record for fastest unsupported trek across Antarctica, to raise awareness and money for kids’ environmental education. In 2006, he ran across the Sahara to raise awareness of water shortages. Here’s the best part: He only started running 5 years ago. Read more about him and his Impossible2Possible team here.
When the pilot announced, “…and the ground temperature is 38 degrees centigrade”, I was excited. Because I was expecting 40-45 degrees. After all, it was Delhi and the month was June. During the next 24 hours, I heard many people complaining of the heat – taxi drivers, colleagues, friends etc. And I asked everyone the same questions: What do you expect? And I realized the power of these four magic words like never before. They seemed to diffuse the anger, put things in perspective, and even reduce the temperature a little bit!
The next time traffic bothers you, ask yourself these four magic words. What do you expect? Did you expect everyone else to stay at home today? Or did you expect everyone else to walk to work today? Or did you expect new roads and flyovers to come up during the night? Or did you expect everyone to move to the side and let your car or bus pass?
Have you noticed how parents expect their kids to behave like mature grown-ups – tidy room, homework on time, healthy eating habits and all. Teachers expect all students to be intelligent and interested in the subject. Salespeople expect an order on every presentation. Managers expect everyone to be competent and committed all the time. And the result is… anger, frustration, disappointment.
I know this seems to go against the philosophy of ‘expect the best’, ‘you get what you think of’ and ‘the secret: our thoughts become things’. But not really. Positive thinking is not about unrealistic expectations. I expect most people to be nice, but not all. I expect myself to be healthy, active and energetic most of the time – so it’s not hard for me to accept illness when it comes once in a while.
So, what do you expect? And do you always get what you expect?
“When you want something, the whole universe conspires to help you realize your desire.” (The Alchemist – published in 1988)
“Each day’s magic moment helps us to change and sends us off in search of our dreams.” (By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept)
“Dreams nourish the soul just as food nourishes the body. The pleasure of the search and of adventure feed our dreams.” (The Pilgrimage)
“If you have a past with which you feel dissatisfied, then forget it, now. Imagine a new story for your life and believe in it. Focus only on the moments when you achieved what you desired, and that strength will help you to get what you want.” (The Fifth Mountain)
“Only one thing makes a dream impossible: the fear of failure” (The Alchemist)
“Open your heart and listen to what it is telling you. Follow your dreams, because only a man who is unashamed of himself can manifest the glory of God.” (The Valkyries)
[Photo of a painting in New Zealand Museum, Wellington] See Mush’s Page on Facebook.
Most people seem to start their day in a rush – rushing to get ready, rushing with the breakfast, rushing to work. These people often spend their entire day in a rush, playing catch-up with the rest of the world. This can be easily avoided by getting up a little earlier. There are many other benefits of getting up early, but I will list the five that have always worked for me:
Even if you work from home, there’s plenty of reason to start the day before everyone else does. And if you are a housewife, who usually spend the day taking care of others, this could be your time, to do the things just for yourself!
Please share your experiences of getting up early, or late.
Mush Panjwani 