Happiness

7 Reasons Why New Year Resolutions Don’t Work

Mush Happiness, Health, Life, Motivation, Productivity, Relationships
A new day in Africa! (Sunrise at Hoedspruit, December 2011)

Most of the research suggests that majority of the people do not stick to their resolutions beyond a couple of weeks or months, if at all. And most of the goals established before the New Year end up way short of achievement. Having spent almost 30 years doing resolutions (a few times every year) and working with thousands of salespeople and managers who established annual goals, here’s what I think causes any New Year resolution to fail:

  1. Too casual. Some people come up with resolutions for the sake of resolutions, without giving serious consideration to what they really want.
  2. Not committed enough. Any resolution without total commitment is as good as a dream.
  3. Not specific enough. ‘I’ll lose weight’, ‘I’ll save money’, ‘I’ll travel’ are all examples of non-specific resolutions.
  4. No deadlines. Open-ended resolutions like ‘I’ll quit smoking’ are like any other promise without a time frame that we can easily postpone.
  5. No planning. A resolution without a plan is like a destination without a road map – without knowing how to get there.
  6. No follow-up. Milestones and checkpoints are critical in any journey. Resolutions that are not reviewed periodically often come to haunt us at the end of the year.
  7. No action. You know where you want to go, and how to get there, but you can’t there unless you start moving. Lack of action, laziness, and procrastination are often signs of lack of commitment.

If your resolutions haven’t worked well for you in the past, it’s likely because of one of the above reasons. This year, come up with fewer resolutions but make sure they are very specific, backed up with a full plan of action and have your total commitment. Then take the necessary action with perseverance, and review results often. In short, you need to know what you really want, by when and how… then act now!

Related reading:

Louie Schwartzberg: Nature. Beauty. Gratitude.

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10 Inspiring Quotes by Super Achievers

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“I struggled just getting the ball up to the rim level. I couldn’t do it at first.” (Kareem Abdul Jabbar – basketball champion)

“What could be worse than getting to the end of your life and realizing you hadn’t lived it.” (Edward Albee – 3 Pulitzer Prizes for Drama)

“If you don’t fall down, you are not trying hard enough.” (Tenley Albright – Olympic Gold Medal Figure Skater and Surgeon)

“I believe that each of us comes from the Creator trailing wisps of glory.” (Maya Angelou – Poet and Historian)

“I knew that if I failed I wouldn’t regret that, but I knew the one thing I would regret is not trying.” (Jeff Bezos – Founder of Amazon.com)

“I do not know the word ‘quit’. Either I never did, or I have abolished it.” (Susan Butcher – Champion dog-sled racer)

“There is no such thing as an average human being. If you have a normal brain, you are superior.” (Benjamin Carson – Pediatric Neurosurgeon)

“I have always felt that I did well as a student because I lacked confidence.” (Denton Cooley – pioneer of heart transplants)

“The Godfather was a very under-appreciated movie when we were making it. I almost got fired.” (Francis Ford Coppola – filmmaker, producer and screenwriter)

“My parents telling me to stop doing it is probably what caused the company to be created.” (Michael Dell – Founder of Dell)

Selected from Academy of Achievement – one of my favorite inspiration sites.

[Photo taken in Hong Kong during MacLehose 6-7 and the ‘Needle Hill’ climb]

The good news – by Thich Nhat Hanh

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An excerpt from Call Me by My True Names by the modern Buddhist poet, Thich Nhat Hanh:

They don’t publish the good news.
The good news is published by us.
We have a special edition every moment, and we need you to read it.
The good news is that you are alive, and the linden tree is still there, standing firm in the harsh Winter.
The good news is that you have wonderful eyes to touch the blue sky.
The good news is that your child is there before you, and your arms are available: hugging is possible.
They only print what is wrong.
Look at each of our special editions.
We always offer the things that are not wrong.
We want you to benefit from them and help protect them.
The dandelion is there by the sidewalk, smiling its wondrous smile, singing the song of eternity.
Listen! You have ears that can hear it. Bow your head. Listen to it.
Leave behind the world of sorrow and preoccupation and get free.
The latest good news is that you can do it.

[Photo by yours truly. Do you have any good news to share?]

The power of commitment

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“When you are interested, you do what’s convenient. When you are committed, you do whatever it takes.” 

This post is inspired by someone I met today in Colombo. When he decided to move back to Sri Lanka from the Middle East 15 years ago, his wife wasn’t too happy with the decision. She loved Dubai too much. This man promised his wife that he’ll bring her to Dubai for at least ten days every year. And he hasn’t missed a year since. He told me it was difficult at times to take the ten days off because of work pressure, or other priorities, ‘but a promise is a promise’. 

How often do we sabotage our relationships, health, productivity, talent, dreams… by not fulfilling the commitments that we make to ourselves or others. Whether big or small, every broken promise adds up to create an unhappy situation. Some of the most commonly broken promises I can think of:

  • To our loved ones: I’ll call you back in a minute. I’ll do it during the weekend. I’ll be there for the… (birthday party or the game or the parent-teacher meeting). We’ll take a vacation this year.
  • To our kids: We’ll read it tonight. Yes, I’ll help with your math. I’ll fix it tomorrow. We’ll go there during the weekend.
  • At work: I am working on it. I’ll email you today. I’ll clean up my desk. I’ll call you back. I’ll learn the new… (skill, system, program, equipment) soon.
  • To ourselves: I’ll start exercising. I’ll read that book. I’ll eat healthy. I’m off desserts. I quit coffee. I’ll wake up earlier. I’ll clean up. I’ll volunteer. I’ll start saving.

And I am as guilty as anybody else. Let’s promise to keep our promises. And commit to fulfill our commitments.

[Photo of Fauja Singh, the 100-year old runner. See the story here]

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Ron Gutman: The hidden power of smiling

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Ron Gutman reviews a raft of studies about smiling, and reveals some surprising results. Did you know your smile can be a predictor of how long you’ll live – and that a simple smile has a measurable effect on your overall well-being? Prepare to flex a few facial muscles as you learn more about this evolutionarily contagious behavior.

3 great benefits of summer!

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There’s something good in every person, place and situation. So it is with summer. We can complain about the heat and sweat or remind ourselves of all the goodness that every weather brings. Few benefits of summer that I can think of:

  1. Detox through sweating. Our skin plays a major role in the detoxification alongside the lungs, kidneys, bowels, liver and the immune system. Sweat carries toxins out of the body and flushes them through the pores. Sweating also helps to regulate body’s temperature. Sweating is a natural sauna!
  2. Free Vitamin D. Vitamin D is essential for healthy immune system, is a potent anti-inflamatory, helps regulate blood sugar levels, helps lower blood pressure… and many more benefits are still being discovered. People would pay any price to get this vitamin, but you can get it free from the sun!
  3. More time outdoors. Summer provides an excellent opportunity to switch off the TV, computer and spend more time outdoors. Whether it’s hiking or cycling in the countryside, swimming in the pool or at a beach, walking barefoot in a lawn or at a beach… summer is a great time to enjoy the outdoors with family and friends!

What other benefits can you think of? Please share through comments.

[Photo of a monkey we spotted during the MacLehose stage 5 in Hong Kong a couple of day ago.]

37 things we take for granted, every day!

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‘Take for granted’ in the sense that we don’t notice, acknowledge, enjoy these things fully, and even complain about sometimes…

  1. Waking up alive in the morning – thousands die every day
  2. Seeing everyone else in the family also waking up alive and safe – no disasters
  3. Having running water for brushing, shave and shower – millions in the world don’t
  4. Having a choice of hot or cold or warm water for shower
  5. Wearing nice clothes, with lots of choices and matching shoes and bag and jewelry
  6. Eating breakfast and other meals – millions are starving to death
  7. A job to go to – how many are jobless in your city/country?
  8. A car, or other means of transport that allows you to get to work on time
  9. Traffic that keeps moving
  10. Weather that’s live-able – would you rather be at the poles or Sahara?
  11. People trusting you with their problems at work
  12. Appliances and technology that (seem to) make life easier – imagine life without a microwave, washing machine, mobile phone, computer…
  13. Stable electricity – many places have daily power cuts
  14. Getting paid on time
  15. Our ability to see, hear, taste, touch, read, write, think, walk, talk, work, pray, love…
  16. Our education, knowledge, skills, experience, values…
  17. Having a home with furnishing and comforts
  18. Someone waiting for you at home, someone to wait for
  19. Someone that loves you, someone you love
  20. Kids – so what if they are not like us
  21. Friends, and people who care about you, people you care about
  22. Home-cooked meal
  23. Enough clothes to change a couple of times within a day
  24. The air we breathe, water we drink, the variety of food we eat
  25. Money in the pocket, money in the bank, credit cards – millions live under $1 per day
  26. Newspapers, magazines and books to read
  27. TV with 100 channels, and movies to watch
  28. Games to play
  29. Clubhouse or gym to workout
  30. Parents – they are the reason for our being
  31. Good health and fitness – thousands of hospitals in the world full of millions of sick
  32. Functioning government
  33. Good school for kids
  34. Weekends, public holidays
  35. Faith, religion, beliefs and values
  36. Nice bed to sleep in, pillows, blankets, reading lamp, alarm clock…
  37. Trees, flowers, sunrise, sunset, stars, moon, sea, mountain, rivers, breeze…

How different would our days (and therefore life) be if we noticed, acknowledged, enjoyed and were grateful for even half the things we take for granted every day? Would we be happier, more cheerful and have more enthusiasm? Would we complain less? You bet.

Right now, I am grateful for the long battery life on my mac, the comfortable sofa, the cushion on my lap absorbing the heat from the notebook, the lamp, the cool breeze from the window, the family sleeping quietly, the calm of the morning (4 AM), WordPress, Facebook, people who ask me when they don’t see a new post on my blog… a fridge full of stuff, mostly healthy!

Please share through comments (here or on my Facebook page) what else we usually take for granted, every day. Thanks for reading and sharing.

[Self photography during a beautiful drive in Surabaya yesterday, feeling the rain and breeze]

Virtuous until proven otherwise

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Richard Stengel writes in Mandela’s Way, the biography of Nelson Mandela:

“Some call it a blind spot, other naivete, but Mandela sees almost everyone as virtuous until proven otherwise. He starts with an assumption that you are dealing with him in good faith. He believes that, just as pretending to be brave can lead to acts of real bravery, seeing the good in other people improves the chances that they will reveal their better selves.”

My humble additions:

  • People are mostly good, honest and helpful – regardless of their origin, religion or race.
  • There’s some good and bad in every person, place and situation. We can choose to focus on the good or the bad.
  • We don’t have to smile only when we are happy. Smiling makes us happy.
  • We don’t have to wait for motivation before we act. Action brings motivation.
  • We don’t have to see evidence/results before we believe. Belief produces results.

What do you think? Please share your thoughts through comments.

[Photo of a friend, tour guide, driver and mentor-for-the-day in Rotorua NZ. More photos here.]

Trick your brain into happiness

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It’s not often that I get a forwarded email with good content. This came from a friend yesterday, without the name of the author or the source. And I am copying it as is, because I believe this is true. I have been practicing and preaching this concept for many years. Try it…

Did you know that you can actually “trick” your brain into thinking you’re happy? Dr. David Lykken, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at theUniversity of Minnesota says, “Emotions are a combination of internal feelings and physical responses that provide feedback to your brain.” In effect, you can consciously initiate or provide the mental and physical conditions that your brain will naturally translate into feelings and emotions — you basically have the power to influence your mood. Try it for yourself.

Smile even when you don’t feel like it. You’ll think it’s silly but studies have shown that people who force themselves to smile eventually develop a more positive attitude towards challenges and setbacks. Smile the moment you wake up. Smile as you put yourself to sleep. Smile at everyone you meet.

Laugh at the pettiest things. Get some air into those lungs! More oxygen, more energy, brighter day! Ten minutes of laughter a day –- that’s all you need to ensure a life of contentment. You’ll be surprised that in Asia, some companies have employed a daily “laughter break”. Employees have to walk to a park, form a circle, and force themselves to laugh non-stop for 15 minutes. Company executives swear that this relaxation break has caused worker enthusiasm and productivity to soar!

Stand tall and walk fast. Remember your teacher in second grade? She tapped you with a ruler, screaming, “No slouching! Chin up! Walk tall!” You had no idea that she wasn’t just insisting on good posture, she was also making sure you developed a bright and confident outlook in life!

Stretch – better yet, exercise! Don’t “think” about your workout, just do it! If you pause, to think about the sweat, the pain, the monotony and the time, you’ll find one excuse or other not to do it. So, don’t rationalize. Just get up and do it. You know that at the end of the workout, you’ll feel good you did it. And if you’re not exactly the workout kind, try dancing!

Think only positive thoughts, speak only positive words. Every time you start to think or say something negative, stop. Change your sentences into the positive. Pessimists complain about their problems; optimists think of solutions. Advise, rather than criticize. Encourage, inspire, motivate –- yourself and others. Pick up a lesson, rather than blame. And always count your blessings.

These are just a few of the many ways you can jumpstart an overall feeling of happiness and contentment. Remember that your emotions are dictated by your perception of the world around you. And your reactions are a product of choice — you can “choose” to be happy, angry or sad. As Ecrivain Lesage wrote in “Histoire de Gil Blas” in 1735, “I am happy and content because I think I am.”

[Photo from the window seat while flying from Dubai to Colombo]

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The most inspiring video ever: 3 A’s of Awesome!

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I know that’s a very bold claim, but I haven’t watched anything else that’s so short yet so inspiring and effective!

Check out my new Facebook Page.

Free ebook: Focus – a simplicity manifesto in the age of distraction

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I just finished reading this wonderful book by Leo Babauta. It’s an important reminder of the importance of focus in this age of distraction, and how to achieve it. The book is available for free and is ‘un-copyrighted’ by the author so you can share it with as many people as you want. Just click on the image to download the PDF version.

It’s an essential guide for everyone who needs to focus, and covers lots of useful stuff like:

  • the importance of finding focus
  • the beauty of disconnection
  • how not to live in your inbox
  • creating an uncluttered environment
  • strategies for prioritizing
  • systems for getting amazing things done
  • single-tasking and productivity

Download it now.

Why not a “Happy New Day”?

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It’s wonderful to see most people getting excited about the new year – the greetings, fireworks, cheer, and most importantly, the optimism for the year ahead.

I wonder why can’t we greet each new day with the same cheer and optimism. Isn’t waking up each morning a reason to be grateful and happy? Isn’t every day a chance to celebrate life and everything it has to offer? If that seems a bit too extreme, then how about ‘happy new week’? Could we not be as excited about the challenges and surprises that each new week brings?

This year try new month resolutions at the start of every new month. I can tell you from experience, they work much better than new year resolutions.

Next time you get a ‘happy new day’ or a ‘happy new week’ greeting from me, you’ll know why 🙂

PS. I started a Mush’s Page on Facebook to spread the ideas about enhancing life further. It also makes it easier for you to ‘like’, ‘comment’ or ‘share’ with just one click. Check it out.

[Photo of sunrise this morning by Sara]

Happiness, Health and Productivity – best of 2010

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Here’s a collection of links to some of the most popular posts on my blog during the last 12 months. I hope you find them useful and consider sharing with friends. These may have some ideas for your New Year Resolutions too:

On Happiness:

On Health and Nutrition:

On Productivity:

Please let me know which ones did you find most useful.

[Photo taken during a hike in Rotorua, NZ – Nov. 2010]

Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach

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Watching lots of seagulls recently, I was reminded of this inspiring book I had read a few times during the late 80’s. I just read it again and realized why it’s called a classic. It’s a short and simple story of a seagull called Jonathan Livingston Seagull, but the message is powerful and inspiring. Instead of a review, here are a few excerpts from the book:

…Most gulls don’t bother to learn more than the simplest flight – how to get from shore to food and back again. For most gulls, it is not flying that matters, but eating. For this gull, it was not eating that mattered, but flight. More than anything else, Jonathan Livingston Seagull loved to fly.

…Jonathan Seagull discovered that boredom and fear and anger are the reasons that a gull’s life is so short, and with these gone from his thought, he lived a long fine life indeed.

…’How you manage to love a mob of birds that has just tried to kill you?’ ‘Oh, you don’t love that! You don’t love hatred and evil, of course. You have to practice and see the real gull, the good in every one of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That’s what I mean by love.’

I recommend this book very highly, regardless of your age, interests or profession. Please share what your favorite books are.

[Photo taken at the Rotorua Lake, NZ. More beautiful photos of NZ here.]

5 things everyone can learn from the Aussies

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Having spent ten days in Australia, I was reminded of the many good things about the Aussies:

  1. Good day, mate! It’s the local greeting but also an attitude of happiness and friendliness. You can only greet each other with enthusiasm if you are really happy and grateful with your life. Otherwise, it will be the usual ‘how are you?’ and ‘not bad’. That attitude is also reflected in their choice of vocabulary. It’s not ‘nice’, it’s ‘fantastic!’ or ‘awesome!’ Simply put, ‘life is good!’
  2. Work to live. Most Aussies don’t live to work. A standard working day for most offices is 8-4:30 and 9:30-5:30 for most shops. This means more time for life outside of work – family, socializing, sports and hobbies. Yes, many Australians actually have hobbies like gardening, woodworking etc. Do they get less work done compared to those who regularly work overtime in many other countries? I don’t think so.
  3. Sunday is family day. Unlike many of us, most Aussies actually have a ‘plan’ for Sundays. And the key elements of the plan are family and outdoors – beach, picnics, parks, hikes. That’s not only great bonding time for the family, but also very healthy.
  4. No worries, mate! That’s also more of an attitude than just another local phrase you hear often. Aussies seem to genuinely believe that no problem is big enough to worry; given some time, most situations sort themselves out; getting stressed doesn’t make things easier. I wonder if they have one of the lowest rates of stress-related illnesses in the world.
  5. Play to win. Aussies are clearly one of the most competitive people, and it’s not just in sports. I think they generally like to excel at whatever they do – be it making a coffee, raising a child or winning an olympic gold. This is also obvious in a higher standard of services.

I am sure some readers will have many negative things to say about the Aussies. Every one of us, every nation, every place has negatives and positives. But I find myself much happier when focusing on the good rather than the bad, particularly when I am traveling. Please share your positive thoughts about your favorite place.

[Photo taken from a boat in Sydney. You can see some more spectacular photos here.]

Do You Respond or React?

Mush Happiness, Life, Productivity, Relationships

In every situation or problem, we have a choice to respond or react. And our choice determines how we get affected by the situation or problem. My favorite example is that of a delayed flight. Most passengers choose to react by asking for an explanation for the delay, calling up family and friends to share the anger (‘why does it always happen to me?‘), demanding to ‘speak with the manager’, expecting free meals, continuing to be angry even after taking off and landing at the destination and perhaps for the rest of the day. If you choose to respond, you could be grateful that they found out the problem with the plane or the pilot or the weather while you are still on the ground, rather than finding out when you are 35,000 feet up in the air. You could catch up on some phone calls or shopping or reading, or simply enjoy doing nothing for a change. If the flight has been indefinitely delayed, you can also respond by trying to find another connection to your destination.

When someone criticizes you, you can react by offering explanations or starting an argument. Or you can respond by trying to understand the other person’s perspective, by accepting that you aren’t perfect and by being grateful that someone cared enough to tell you about your weakness. Continue reading →

10 Inspiring Quotes on Forgiveness

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Millions of Muslims around the world are celebrating their Eid (pronounced as eed) Festival today. It’s a day of family, friends, feast, festivity and forgiveness. I hope the following quotes inspire you to forgive others, and yourself, for all the wrongs of the past.

I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive.  Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note – torn in two, and burned up, so that it can never be shown against one. (Henry Ward Beecher)

The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. (Mahatma Gandhi)

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. (Lewis B. Smedes)

Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. (Isaac Friedmann)

Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury. (E.H. Chapin)

Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much. (Oscar Wilde)

Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me. (Anonymous)

Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness. (H. Jackson Brown)

There is no love without forgiveness; and there’s no forgiveness without love. (Byrant McGill)

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart – forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. (Hannah More)

Which one did you like best? Do you have a favorite quote on forgiveness? Please share through comments.

[Photo of a popular shrine in Iran, taken in July 2009]

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Nick Vujicic’s Inspiring Video on Winning and Losing

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Inspiration from a man with no limbs…

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Flower Girl in Vietnam

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She is a 15-year old girl who goes to school in the morning and sells flowers at night. She lives with her aunt who gives her ten bouquets every night. And she can’t return home until she sells them all. It can take her anywhere from two to six hours to sell all ten bouquets, depending on the day of the week and time of the year. The price of USD1 per bouquet doesn’t make it any easier. She goes to the road-side restaurants and coffee shops around the Cathedral in HCMC (Ho Chi Minh City), where she can find foreigners who are usually better customers.

She considers herself fortunate to be be living in a city, to have an aunt who takes care of her, to have a job that pays for her food and school, to have customers who buy her bouquets.

Do you feel a little more fortunate, if not incredibly blessed? Please share your thoughts through comments.

[An estimated 300 million children worldwide are subjected to violence, exploitation and abuse including the worst forms of child labour in communities, schools and institutions. As reported by UNICEF]

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