Relationships

45 Tips for a Happy Marriage – these still work!

Mush Relationships , ,

A repost from last year:

We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, and we consider ourselves very fortunate to enjoy a great relationship and still be in love. Considering that we are so different from each other in so many ways and that we rarely agree on anything, we often wonder what has kept us so happy together. It’s a few things.

We realize and accept the fact that everyone is different; everyone has his or her strengths and weaknesses. We don’t try to change the other. We choose to focus on the strengths and accept the weaknesses – unless one needs help and encouragement in overcoming a certain weakness. We have come to understand that being in love is not enough for a happy marriage. Happy partners choose to be happy, and they do certain things in a certain way. We have been following a certain unwritten code of conduct about how we treat each other and how we deal with our differences.

Communication is the key. Like in any other relationship, good communication is the key to a happy marriage. You don’t need a degree in communications; it’s mostly common sense. It’s Ok to argue, but you must follow certain rules. Few tips to enhance communication with your partner:

  1. Be honest.
  2. Talk to each other often.
  3. Listen when the other is talking.
  4. Express any concerns quickly.
  5. Compliment often; criticize rarely.
  6. Never criticize in public.
  7. Never yell at each other.
  8. Never bring up mistakes of the past.
  9. Never use the word ‘always’ and ‘never’ in arguments.
  10. Don’t go to bed with an unsettled argument.
  11. Say ‘I love you’ often… and mean it.
  12. Be quick to say ‘I am sorry’.
  13. Forgive and forget quickly.
  14. Never keep secrets from each other.
  15. Keep the in-laws out of your marriage.

What happened to the romance? Remember the first time you started seeing each other? You used to dress up, make-up, put on your best self, hold hands, and do things to please your partner. Why does it have to be any different after few years? Keeping the romance alive is an essential part of being happy with your partner. Some tips for the un-romantics: Continue reading →

10 Inspiring Quotes on Forgiveness

Mush Happiness, Motivation, Relationships ,

Millions of Muslims around the world are celebrating their Eid (pronounced as eed) Festival today. It’s a day of family, friends, feast, festivity and forgiveness. I hope the following quotes inspire you to forgive others, and yourself, for all the wrongs of the past.

I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive.  Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note – torn in two, and burned up, so that it can never be shown against one. (Henry Ward Beecher)

The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. (Mahatma Gandhi)

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. (Lewis B. Smedes)

Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. (Isaac Friedmann)

Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury. (E.H. Chapin)

Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much. (Oscar Wilde)

Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me. (Anonymous)

Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness. (H. Jackson Brown)

There is no love without forgiveness; and there’s no forgiveness without love. (Byrant McGill)

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart – forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. (Hannah More)

Which one did you like best? Do you have a favorite quote on forgiveness? Please share through comments.

[Photo of a popular shrine in Iran, taken in July 2009]

If you like reading this blog, subscribe for email updates. You may connect with Mush on Facebook, Twitter, Flickr or YouTube.

What’s Empathy? By Jeremy Rifkin

Mush Life, Relationships , ,

Jeremy Rifkin is president of the Foundation on Economic Trends and the author of 17 bestselling books on the impact of scientific and technological changes on the economy, the workforce, society and the environment. I haven’t read any of his books yet, but I found this talk/animation very informative, useful and even inspiring:

If you like reading this blog, subscribe for email updates. You may connect with Mush on Facebook, Twitter, Flickr or YouTube.

Never Be Late Again!

Mush Productivity, Relationships , , ,

Someone recently asked me how I always manage to be on time. My response was, ‘It’s not how, it’s why’. Being on time is easy, if you really want to. Few reasons why being late is bad, whether it’s for business, personal, family or social commitments:

  1. It shows our lack of interest, commitment or passion. Why would anyone hire a person who is late for an interview? Or do business with someone who can’t keep the first commitment? How could a relationship be a priority if our appointments with our loved ones are the first to be compromised?
  2. It demonstrates lack of respect for other people’s time. How do you feel when you somehow manage to show up on time, and then have to wait for the other person?
  3. It sets the wrong example for our family, friends and co-workers – especially for people who look up to us e.g. our children, students or subordinates.

Now some tips on how to be on time:

  1. Give importance. Decide to be on time. Don’t participate in anything half-heartedly.
  2. Plan ahead. Be realistic about how long does it take to get ready and get there. Expect the traffic and other things to go wrong.
  3. Positive affirmations. Telling yourself, ‘I am always on time’ works better than ‘I am always late!’

“I never could have done what I have done without the habits of punctuality, order, and diligence, without the determination to concentrate myself on one subject at a time.” (Charles Dickens)

[Photo of the clock tower in Cardiff]

Subscribe to get latest posts in email. Follow the latest links in Twitter. Forward this link to friends. Friend me up on Facebook.

Two Words That Can Hurt: ‘Never’ and ‘Always’

Mush Happiness, Life, Relationships , , ,

As in:

  • “You never listen to me!”
  • “You never come on time!”
  • “You never return my calls!”
  • “You always forget my birthday!”
  • “You are always on the phone/computer!”
  • “You always argue with me!”

You get the point? Such use of the words ‘never’ and ‘always’ exaggerate the reality and blow the situation out of proportion. It usually sparks an argument, or at best, affects the self-esteem of the other person. Next time you are tempted to use these words, try replacing them with ‘usually’ or ‘often’ if you really must use an adverb.

And what if you are at the receiving end of such criticism with one of these words?

  • Don’t take them seriously – you know it’s just an exaggeration.
  • Avoid the temptation to pick on these words and start a heated argument.
  • Simply ask: ‘Do you really mean it?’ or ‘You mean often, not always, right?
  • Don’t let it hurt you or ruin your day or affect your self-esteem – you are stronger than that!

The words always and never can also be used in very positive ways to enhance your communication, increase your commitment, and to motivate yourself and others. Please share your views through comments.

Subscribe to get latest posts in email. Follow the latest links in Twitter. Forward this link to friends. Friend me up on Facebook.

Happy Marriage Tip #46

Mush Happiness, Relationships ,

The post on 45 Tips for a Happy Marriage continues to be one of the most popular on this blog. Here’s #46 – actually an extension of ‘go on dates’…

We have another ritual that we call Friday Dates. Once in a month or two, we both take the afternoon off from whatever we are doing. We meet at our favorite soup/salad place for a long lunch. Then we usually go to a nearby reflexology place for an invigorating foot/shoulder treatment. The rest of the afternoon is either shopping or movie or just chilling out at a coffee shop.

Why Friday? There’s something about leaving important work behind in the office to meet that special someone. It’s a great start to a wonderful weekend. There’s no rush to go back home to kids – they are at work or in school. The long hours together encourages lot of talking. We share our dreams and goals, address important issues, and even resolve any differences. Try it out. It’s very different from the usual dinner dates, and is sure to strengthen the relationship.

[Photo of sunset from Cococabana beach on Lamma Island, Hong Kong]

Subscribe to get latest posts in email. Follow the latest links in Twitter. Forward this link to friends. Friend me up on Facebook.

35 Steps to an Enhanced Life

Mush Happiness, Health, Life, Motivation, Productivity, Relationships , , , , , ,

We all want more happiness, better health, increased productivity and improved relationships. We want to be able to motivate ourselves to do the things we know we should do to enhance our lives. I try to help myself and others to achieve all that through this blog.

Here’s a collection of posts from the last couple of years that I consider to be the best, considering the popularity and comments from the readers. Most articles are short, and take only a few minutes to read. Please let me know through your comments if this collection could form a useful ebook…

Happiness:

Health:

Productivity:

Relationships:

Motivation:

Please take a few minutes to tell me about your most favorite articles, through comments below. Thanks.

[Photo of Kuk Po hike near Tai Po in Hong Kong, taken last week]

Contradictions

Mush Motivation, Productivity, Relationships , ,

Lately, I have been wondering about the contradictions in our thoughts and actions:

  • We want to be slim but we eat too much
  • We want to be smart but we miss the class, or don’t read the books
  • We want happy relationships but we sabotage them with our actions
  • We have dreams but we don’t set goals
  • We want to achieve our goals but we don’t plan
  • We plan but don’t take the action
  • We worry about retirement but we don’t save
  • We want to finish the project but we don’t stay focused
  • We want to wake up early but we don’t go to bed early

The list goes on. Are human beings lazy, indisciplined, indecisive and stupid by nature? Do our genes not have the willpower to fight temptations, to persevere, to do the right thing?

What do you think?

23 Wonderful Ice-Breakers

Mush Life, Relationships ,

Just read this wonderful piece in What On Earth Have I Done? by Robert Fulghum – one of my all-time favorite authors…

I have a list in the active pocket of my mind. A list I often refer to when thrown into the company of strangers while traveling. The list is labeled Conversation Lifeboats:

  1. Did you ever have a great teacher – in school or out? Tell me.
  2. What would you be learning – if you had time?
  3. What would you have learned to do if you knew then what you know now?
  4. What would you teach, if you were asked?
  5. Teach me something. Anything.
  6. Do you know any silly tricks? Coins, cards, face contortions?
  7. If you could be an eyewitness to some event in history, which one?
  8. If you could see anyplace in the world before human history, where would you go and why?
  9. Who would you like to see naked?
  10. Who do you admire? Who admires you?
  11. Answer an unasked question – something you know but nobody would ever ask about and you would never volunteer.
  12. Decisions of consequence – what forks in the road were on your way – and what if you had taken the other path?
  13. Pick another place/time in modern history – since 1700 – to live.
  14. Book, movie, you’ve read/seen more than once. Why? Continue reading →

Listening with Your Eyes

Mush Productivity, Relationships

A little girl came home from school with a drawing she’d made in class. She danced into the kitchen, where her mom was preparing dinner. ‘Mom, guess what?’ she squealed, waving the drawing. Her mother never looked up. ‘What?’ she said, tending to the pots. ‘Guess what?’ the child repeated, waving the drawing. ‘What?’ the mother said, tending to the plates. ‘Mom, you’re not listening.’ ‘Sweetie, yes I am.’ ‘Mom, you’re not listening with your eyes‘, the child said. (Adapted from Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom)

How often are we guilty of pretending to be listening, without really paying attention. Listening is one of the most important skills for healthy communications, great relationships and excellent productivity. And like any other skills – driving, cooking, languages – it needs to be learned and developed.

Subscribe to get latest posts in email. Follow the latest links in Twitter. Forward this link to friends. Friend me up on Facebook.

17 Things You Should Know About Stress!

Mush Health, Motivation, Relationships ,

We are all affected by stress at some level or another, though we don’t like to admit it. Stress can be positive when it helps you achieve your goals, or implement a change in your lifestyle. But it’s obviously negative when it results in anxiety, depression and illness. This article can help you identify, prevent and deal with stress.

CAUSES OF STRESS
Most common causes of stress are:

  1. Work-related: This includes deadlines, overload of work, conflicts with the boss or co-workers, job insecurity, lack of recognition etc.
  2. Money-related: Financial crisis, credit card debt, mortgage, loss of job or just lack of money to do the things you really want
  3. Relationship-related: Lack of communication, understanding and trust with your partner, parents, kids or close friends
  4. General lack of fulfillment: Unfulfilled dreams and ambitions; failure in job or relationships
  5. Attitudes that cause stress: Certain traits and ways of seeing the world can cause stress. E.g. Pessimism, perfectionism, addictions, poor communication, anger, obsessing and other such negative behavior.

SYMPTOMS OF STRESS
One or more of the following symptoms could mean that you are going through stress:

  1. Headaches: Certain types of headaches can be related to stress.
  2. More frequent colds or flu: There’s an inverse relationship between stress and immunity, so if you’re under too much stress, you may be getting sick more often.
  3. Sleep problems: There are many ways that stress affects sleep. Too much stress can rob you of sleep and make the sleep you get less restorative.
  4. General anxiety: Anxiety does serve an important function for survival, but if you’re feeling anxious much of the time, it could be because you have too many stressors in your life.
  5. Fuzzy thinking: Your body’s stress response pumps your body with hormones that make it possible for you to fight or flee quickly. But when triggered in excess, this stress response can actually cause you to think less quickly. Continue reading →

6 Leadership Lessons from Orchestra Conductors

Mush Productivity, Relationships ,

An orchestra conductor faces the ultimate leadership challenge: creating perfect harmony without saying a word. In this charming talk, Itay Talgam demonstrates the unique styles of six great 20th-century conductors, illustrating crucial lessons for all leaders.

10 Reasons to Control Your Anger!

Mush Happiness, Life, Relationships ,

0911 angry

A man is about as big as the things that make him angry. Winston Churchill

Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret. Dr. Lawrence Peter

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Buddha

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one. Benjamin Franklin

Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame. Benjamin Franklin

Anyone who angers you, conquers you. Unknown

When you are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger. Epictetus

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. Marcus Aurelius

If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? Sydney J. Harris

If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot. Korean Proverb

Subscribe to get latest posts in email. Follow the latest links in Twitter. Forward this link to friends.

4 Reasons Why You Can’t Achieve Your Goals

Mush Motivation, Productivity, Relationships

0909 everest

I have wondered about these questions for many years: Why most people can’t fulfill their dreams? Why most goals are not achieved? Why most plans don’t work out? Why so much action doesn’t produce the desired results?

Working with thousands of salespeople and sales managers for over 20 years, I have learnt that there are only four reasons. Whether it’s about your career, health, money, relationships or any other goals that you fall short of, it must be because:

  1. You don’t really want it. Whatever ‘it’ is that you are after. Are you having sleepless nights thinking and planning for it? What if you don’t get it? Will you settle without it? Do you have a specific time frame in mind? These questions can help you determine if you really want something badly enough. Otherwise, it’s not even a goal – just one of those wishes which may or may not be fulfilled. And you will be OK either way.
  2. You don’t believe it’s possible. It’s an inner voice that tells you, you can’t do it. ‘I can never lose so much weight.’ ‘I don’t think I am made for this.’ ‘It’s just not worth it.’ You believe you don’t have what it takes – the talent, opportunity, looks or whatever.  Continue reading →

45 Tips for a Happy Marriage!

Mush Happiness, Life, Relationships , ,

0909 coupleWe just celebrated our 24th marriage anniversary and it’s been over 25 years since we started seeing each other. We consider ourselves very fortunate to enjoy a great relationship and still be in love. Considering that we are so different from each other in so many ways and that we rarely agree on anything, we often wonder what has kept us so happy together. It’s a few things.

We realize and accept the fact that everyone is different; everyone has his or her strengths and weaknesses. We don’t try to change the other. We choose to focus on the strengths and accept the weaknesses – unless one needs help and encouragement in overcoming a certain weakness. We have come to understand that being in love is not enough for a happy marriage. Happy partners choose to be happy, and they do certain things in a certain way. We have been following a certain unwritten code of conduct about how we treat each other and how we deal with our differences.

Communication is the key. Like in any other relationship, good communication is the key to a happy marriage. You don’t need a degree in communications; it’s mostly common sense. It’s Ok to argue, but you must follow certain rules. Few tips to enhance communication with your partner: Continue reading →

Let’s Smile More Often!

Mush Happiness, Productivity, Relationships

0909 smilesAccording to Duke University researchers, we are not only attracted to people who smile but we also tend to remember their names. In a 2008 fMRI study, Professor Takashi Tsukiura and Roberto Cabeza showed subjects pictures of smiling and unsmiling individuals, followed by their names. The results found that their subjects’ orbitofrontal cortices – the region of the brain associated with reward processing – were more active when the subjects were learning and recalling the names of smiling individuals. “We are sensitive to positive social signals. We want to remember people who were kind to us, in case we interact with them in the future.”

Isn’t it great to see science backing up the affects of positive and negative attitudes? Let’s smile more often 🙂

The Power of ‘Thank You’ – two magic words!

Mush Happiness, Motivation, Productivity, Relationships , , ,

In this deceptively simple 3-minute talk, Dr. Laura Trice muses on the power of the magic words “thank you” — to deepen a friendship, to repair a bond, to make sure another person knows what they mean to you. Try it.

4 Tips on Dealing with Negative People

Mush Happiness, Life, Motivation, Productivity, Relationships , , ,

0909 negative thinkingDuring the last few days, I heard a lot of negative stuff about a variety of things:

  • About the city and the government – traffic is bad; roads are dirty; power failures don’t stop; the government is corrupt; business is down; inflation is up…
  • About people – she is disorganized; he is slow; they are not ambitious; she doesn’t get it; he doesn’t listen; how can people be so insensitive…
  • About future predictions – this country won’t make any progress; weather is only going to get worse; business will get tougher; you won’t understand…

It’s strange how some people have a mission in life – to spread gloom and pessimism. And how discussing any of this would help anyone. I wondered if there’s such a things as ‘brain mask’ that can protect you from the affects of negativity – like a face mask that protects you from catching germs. Here’s my strategy to deal with negative people, depending on the person and the situation: Continue reading →

The Power of Breathing

Mush Happiness, Health, Life, Motivation, Productivity, Relationships ,

0909 breathe

Breathe. Breathing can transform your life.

If you feel stressed out and overwhelmed, breathe. It will calm you and release the tensions.

If you are worried about something coming up, or caught up in something that already happened, breathe. It will bring you back to the present.

If you are discouraged and have forgotten your purpose in life, breathe. It will remind you about how precious life is, and that each breath in this life is a gift you need to appreciate. Make the most of this gift.

If you have too many tasks to do, or are scattered during your workday, breathe. It will help bring you into focus, to concentrate on the most important task you need to be focusing on right now. Continue reading →

Favorite Quotes by Leo Buscaglia

Mush Happiness, Life, Motivation, Relationships , ,

Change is the end result of all true learning.

Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.

It is paradoxical that many educators and parents still differentiate between a time for learning and a time for play without seeing the vital connection between them.

Life lived for tomorrow will always be just a day away from being realized.

The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don’t let them put you in that position.

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.

Watch one of his short videos: Only You Can Make the Difference